


we don't want your broken parts

by mitigates



Series: on the verge [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Insecurities, Lots of Crying, Mental Breakdown, Not Really A Happy Ending, Rated T for language, alcohol use, but still open ended, lots of yelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29773929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitigates/pseuds/mitigates
Summary: Suga looked up at the gruff voice and his blood ran cold. He blinked up at his husband. “When- when’d you get here?”Daichi stared at him for a moment before responding. “Somewhere around the time you decided to announce to the world that being home with me is suffocating."
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: on the verge [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186439
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	we don't want your broken parts

**Author's Note:**

> title from: this is me - keala settle (the greatest showman)

“Hah. It’s just- it’s just so- so fucking  _ dumb _ , man. I can’t- I don’t- Fuckin’ stupid.” 

Oikawa glanced at Suga nervously as he watched the man who was only a month older than him down his fourth shot of the hour. Suga had never been great at handling his alcohol but he seemed to have grown a tolerance over the last year. Oikawa pushed the full untouched glass of water toward him, trying to make the man take a damn hint.

“It is. It’s stupid, I get it. I mean when I had to-”

“No. No. Nonono, you really- you don’t. You don’t get it. Nobody fuckin’ gets it.” Suga was slurring his words already, his eyes glassy and wet as he pressed at them. 

“Have you talked to Daichi?” Oikawa asked, already knowing the answer. 

Suga rolled his eyes and waved down the bartender. “Mr. Perfect doesn’t know or understand what failure is, Oikawa. You’re- god, you’re all the same.”

Oikawa frowned and flagged down the bartender that Suga was unsuccessfully sneering at. “Can we close out?”

“What? No- I’m not done.” Suga protested.

“You’re done, love. Go home.” Oikawa took the offered water bottle from the bartender they had both gotten to know recently. Suga seemed to have easily gained a rapport with him and Oikawa had started to suspect Suga was frequenting the bar more often than not. He took his card back as well and signed the receipt, offering a generous tip.

“I don’t want to go home- it’s- it’s fuckin’ suffocating. I’m not going home. He’s- he’s there and he’s perfect and everything is so good for him and I’m- I’m me! I’m always passed over and god- I’m surprised he’s been with me for this long. I’m still waitin’ for the day he comes home and tells me he found someone else.”

“Living like that must be exhausting, goodness. You need to talk to him-”

“Like you’re one to fuckin’ talk, Tooru! Your inferiority complex far outweighs my own.” Suga mumbled as he smacked the water bottle out of his friend's hand and stumbled off of the bar stool.

Oikawa scoffed and picked up his scarf, wrapping it around his neck. He dug his nails into Suga’s bicep as he pulled him out of the bar. He pushed Suga up against the wall outside of it, the crisp air making the two of them shudder.

“Don’t be such a dick. I’m the only friend you even have left and I’m about tired-”

Suga pushed Oikawa’s shoulder, making the man stumble back a couple of paces. “Fuck off! Honestly. I never even asked you to be here- you just keep showing up. Just- leave me alone.” Suga pulled his phone out of his pocket and mishandled it immediately, causing it to fly to the concrete. It landed on its corner and a spider web crack spread across the screen. “FUCK!”

Oikawa scoffed again and blinked rapidly to keep from crying over someone who clearly didn’t give a shit about something as simple as their friendship. He looked up at the dark sky as he spoke. “I don’t know why I bother with you anymore.”

Suga rolled his eyes and reached for his phone. He stifled a sob, coughing loudly as he reached for his cracked phone. “Piece of fuckin’ shit- fucking stupid phone.” He sat on the damp ground outside of the bar. He looked up at Oikawa and scowled. “Why are you still here?”

Oikawa shook his head, turned around, and left. He didn’t spare Suga another glance.

Suga watched him going, desperately wanting to say something but not having the resolve to do so. “Why do you bother?” He whispered the words to himself, letting the dark swallow them.

“Hey- get up, let’s go.” 

Suga looked up at the gruff voice and his blood ran cold. He blinked up at his husband. “When- when’d you get here?” 

Daichi stared at him for a moment before responding. “Somewhere around the time you decided to announce to the world that being home with me is suffocating. Drunk you is loud.” Daichi held his hand out but he had looked away from Suga.

Suga stood up on his own, anger settling low in his stomach, anger and some insignificant semblance of guilt. He wiped his hands on his pants and tripped as he was getting up. Daichi caught him before he face-planted again. Suga looked up at him as Daichi helped him steady. Daichi’s hair was shorter than it had been in high school, cut closer to his head for his career as a police officer. He had stubble that his Lieutenant liked to tease him about. He had gray hairs that started sprouting when he was 19 that Suga  _ used _ to tease him about. He was a bit taller than he was in high school, standing at least two inches taller than Suga. It was annoying.

“Let’s go.”

Suga bottled up his oncoming drunken tantrum and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He didn’t speak again until they pulled up in front of their house. Suga turned his head and stared out the window at their quaint little home, a place he and Daichi had picked out when they each got their jobs. Daichi moved up quickly in the ranks and Suga- Suga- Suga…hadn’t.

“I broke my phone.”

“I saw that.” Daichi grabbed his duffel bag from the backseat and shuffled out of the car, not waiting for Suga.

Suga groaned inwardly and followed him, stumbling over a nonexistent crack in the sidewalk. Daichi held the door open for him and closed it after he entered. He pulled off his heavy coat and hung it on near the door. Suga plastered himself to the sofa, fully intending to sleep there.

“Go shower first.”

Suga snorted and closed his eyes, ignoring the command.

“Suga- get up. Go shower.”

“I don’t want to-”

“I don’t care what you want right now, go shower. You smell like the drain of a brewery bathroom.” Daichi kicked his shoes off, not turning around to face Suga.

Suga pushed his own shoes off and kicked them across the floor. He sat up slightly and tugged his jacket off. He laid back down. 

“I swear to- Koushi! Get up!” Daichi was speaking louder and more sternly. He pulled Suga’s feet off of the couch, earning a groan from the drunken man. “I’m so tired of this.”

Daichi had whispered the words but Suga heard them as if he had screamed them. He sat up slowly and turned toward Daichi.

“Excuse me?”

Daichi sat down next to Suga and leaned against him heavily, his head resting against Suga’s shoulder. “Koushi, I love you so goddamn much and I am so tired of this.”

“Of what, exactly?” Suga scooted over, letting Daich’s head fall before he could catch it.

“Of this!” Daichi threw his hands in the air and stood back up. “Of this- of you coming home like this. This is the third night this week and it’s what- Wednesday? It’s Wednesday and I’ve peeled you off of a barroom floor  _ twice _ . At least Oikawa got you outside this time.”

Suga’s jaw started trembling but he didn’t respond.

“What was it this time, huh? What big thing happened that you aren’t going to tell me about for months until I’m all but tired of asking. I love you so much and you- you just- fuck!” Daichi rubbed his face with both hands. “You don’t even care.”

Suga leaned back on the couch and scoffed. Daichi looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, his mouth slightly parted, disbelief crossing his handsome features.

“I don’t care.” Suga repeated slowly. “What was it this time? Really?”

“I-”

Suga held a hand up and Daichi paused mid sentence. “The same shit that always happens, Daichi. I didn’t get the tenure that I was promised. The same thing that happened 6 months ago, last year, the year before and the fuckin’ year before that! The same thing! The same stupid shit that’s been happening since high school- I mean for fucks sake, I was replaced by a  _ first year _ . I spent my last year on the fucking bench watching all of you and I- god dammit. I was passed over for captain even, of course Mr. Perfect Sawamura earned that title. Even my younger brother graduated college  _ and _ got married before me. What is that? Everyone wants to come to me for advice but I never get the credit- I can never actually do any of it-”

Suga stopped talking when he realized Daichi was crying. He was silent but tears were streaming down his face, he wasn’t bothering trying to hide them.

“Why are  _ you _ crying?”

Daichi’s hands were shaking as he unbuttoned the top few buttons of his uniform, laughing humorlessly despite the pain etched across his face. “You really still are stuck on high school bullshit, aren’t you?”

The words knocked the breath out of Suga, he was unable to formulate a response. 

“You didn’t get Captain because you  _ repeatedly _ said you did not want it. We didn’t even vote, I volunteered because nobody else would. Don’t you dare put that on me. And you know better than anybody how badly we wanted to win and that meant making some sacrifices. You went to Coach yourself and told him to play that damn first year! You celebrated the hardest when he helped us do what we would have never been able to do without him. Your- your brother, Suga, really? He’s been dating the same girl since he was 11, it’s not like any of that was a surprise. He was successful because you tutored him until he skipped a couple of grades. Yet another thing you’ve decided is going to be your trauma instead of your success-”

Daichi pulled his work shirt off and started folding it. “You haven’t gotten tenure at that shitty excuse of a school because they’re run purely by politics and you’re  _ gay _ , Koushi. They will never promote you because you’re  _ gay _ and the fact that you don’t want to admit that is worrying but again, it’s something you’re choosing to deal with instead of moving along to one of the many other schools who aren’t living in the last century.”

Daichi set his shirt on the back of the couch and leaned over it, bracing his hands against the edge, waiting for any kind of a response from his husband. 

When he didn’t get one, he started again. “It’s the one thing you can’t change about yourself, why don’t you just transfer and-”

“Maybe I can.”

“Can what, Suga?”

“Change that.”

Daichi blinked at him, slow and calculating. He blinked again. His voice was small when he asked, “What?”

“I can change being gay- I don’t- I can- there’s plenty of people who stay in the closet for the sake of the public eye. I can do that!” Suga announced, his brain going a mile a minute as if this was some ingenious plan. 

“You…” Daichi paused and straightened. “You can do that.”

“Of course! I can do that- I’m a great liar. I’ve been lying about being happy for years.” Suga laughed, not realizing at all the implication of his words until he looked up at Daichi and noticed the personality defying blank stare across his face. “Wha-”

“You- I don’t even- why am I bothering with this anymore?” Daichi seemed to be staring past Suga, through him more than anything. “Why- why do you?”

Suga narrowed his eyes, his mind still slightly too fuzzy to comprehend what was going on. “What do I  _ what _ ?”

“Why do you bother with me?” Daichi’s voice cracked at the end and something about the way he asked the question sobered Suga up. “If this- if this is so- if you’re so unhappy with me- why-” Daichi’s voice broke off before he could finish his sentence.

“Daichi, wait-” Suga scrambled to his feet, the harshest words of the night echoing in his head. He reached for Daichi but the slightly taller man shrugged his hand off. 

He picked his keys back up from where he’d set them, pulling his jacket back over his undershirt. “I’m going to Asahi’s. Please don’t call me.”

Suga tripped against as his feet moved faster than the rest of his body. His knees smacked against the floor, pressing against the bruises that were already there from his repeated drunken falls. “Daichi, please! Hold on a minute-”

“No.” Daichi yanked their front door open and turned to side eye Suga, fresh salty tears in his eyes. “I’m done waiting. I suffocate you. I’m too perfect. I should be hidden. It’s all so easy for you, isn’t it? I hope sleeping alone is just as easy.”

Daichi slammed the door shut as Suga clutched his chest.


End file.
